I had a conversation with a friend who recently moved into her own place. She laughed and told me how she had moved with all the brash confidence of someone who had previously always lived at home and had never actually run a household by herself. ‘How hard can it be?’ she thought to herself- and was in for a rude shock.
She wasn’t completely unaware of how much work it was. In her house her parents firmly believed in raising independent people so daily chores and division of labour were a given, so she wasn’t completely helpless. But this was still inadequate to prepare her for the sheer amount of mental and emotional labour that goes into this work. Within 10 days, she found herself having to take a working day off just to get back on top of things like bills, grocery shopping, dealing with finances and a hundred other tasks which can only be done during working hours. This doesn’t account for the fact that her mind was constantly thinking of what needs to be done, what needs to be stocked up, if people have been paid, what will be had for meals, it really is endless. Someone described the running of a household as a huge intricate project that never ends, and that is spot on.
This conversation caused me to reflect on how much work women do in our homes that really goes unseen and too often unacknowledged. Working mothers do all of the above, plus the rearing of children (and the million additional tasks that come with another human being dependent on you), and their ‘proper’ jobs. Their minds never stop running, and it’s hardly ever themselves they are thinking of. I thought of my mother and the number of tasks she shoulders the burden of for the rest of us to have a home — from remembering when the sheets on the bed should be changed to ensuring meals are not repetitive and are balanced. It’s mind-blowing and honestly I am not sure how they have not rebelled yet.
In this pandemic more than ever we see this work increase. With schools closed, places in lockdown and other householders working from home — if it was previously hundreds of tasks that were on the list — it is now thousands.
It is a fact that the burden of unpaid care work is primarily and disproportionately shouldered by women. A paper by the Institute of Policy Studies in Sri Lanka stated that “Studies reveal that over 75% of the world’s total unpaid care work is done by women. In South Asia, and Middle East and North Africa (MENA), this share is much higher, with women undertaking nearly 80–90% of total care and domestic work in the economy. Time-use data from across the world support these findings: statistics from six different countries — with varying income levels and socio-economic structures — reveal that women everywhere devote 1 to 3 more hours each day to housework than men; 2 to 10 times the amount of time a day to care (for children, elderly, and the sick), and 1 to 4 hours less a day to market activities”.
Why women though? Why still in this brave new world where we champion female choice and liberty do we still struggle with this yoke that weighs down women’s ability to do many other things? Then as we demand and ask women to enter into the workforce, push for greater participation and leadership — we wonder what the barriers are.
The answer lies in gender roles. Rigid gender roles that we are conditioned to embrace from birth, that are sold as ‘nature’ and ‘biological’, and that put us into pre-labeled boxes rather than allow us to make choices as individual people. What are gender roles? Gender roles in society mean how we’re expected to act, speak, dress, groom, and conduct ourselves based on our assigned sex. For example, girls and women are generally expected to dress in typically feminine ways and be polite, accommodating, and nurturing. Men are generally expected to be strong, aggressive, and bold. These can vary and be specific to every society, ethnic group, and culture.
Gender roles have defined care work and domestic work as female tasks, and this is continually reinforced at every stage of our lives. From how school textbook illustrations portray the mother and the father, how children’s cartoons and shows depict these roles, how advertisements reinforce these stereotypes, to casual conversation. The idea takes root very early and very young and has long and far reaching effects. In my opinion those limited by these roles are not just women, I think we have done a great disservice to our men as well. Young boys are being raised around the world devoid of basic life skills such as cooking and taking care of a home, we have devalued the role of a father, we have pigeonholed men as money machines who then struggle with depression when they cannot or do not want to fit into these boxes. We do not embrace people for what they are — diverse, complex and with varied talents and interests. Instead we have forced upon them a pre-fabricated frame that limits and frustrates.
How can we change this? Here are three things workplaces can look at doing that will support a paradigm shift and be inclusive of these challenges:
- Start by recognizing during COVID19 and indeed at any time the difference between ‘working from home’ and working while at home. We can apply feminist principles to management and recognize the gendered realities of where the responsibility to undertake this additional care work lies and shift management and support accordingly.
- Secondly, embrace flexibility as a reality by rethinking what ‘normal’ working hours are or can be, considering employees care responsibilities. Re-think deadlines, shift timings, etc.
- Look at how you can support your teams in tangible ways. While expressing concern and reaching out is important to do as managers and leaders, it is also equally vital that it translates into tangible action that employees can feel. There are good practices to draw from — for example the Wall Street Journal reported, “Facebook Inc. will give all of its full-time employees an additional $1,000 in their next paycheck and will give everyone the same “exceeds expectations” performance review for the first half of the year”.
Indeed, there are those who choose to embrace these ideals, love them and thrive within them. Overturning these expectations is not and should not be about demonizing women and men who are this, but rather about giving everyone the freedom to truly make an informed choice about what makes you happiest and works best for you. It is about giving everyone the chance to explore their options until they find what works best for them. We need to create for our children more diverse and complex narratives to teach them more than this single story of a home-running supermom and a bumbling, best to-focus-on-the-office father. As Nigerian feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says, “the single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make the one story become the only story”
Written by: Sharanya Sekaram
Sharanya Sekaram identifies as a feminist writer, researcher, and activist based in Sri Lanka and works primarily as an independent consultant in the gender space. She is passionate about the democratization of information and resources, as well as access to networks and spaces. You can find her on Twitter @sharasekaram
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